My Facebook memories app thing reminded me of this blog today. I spent a second rereading the things I wrote about, and lamenting my inability to keep up with things like this that I really want to do. I can’t seem to force myself into it.
Some would tell me I’m not passionate enough, or I don’t really want to. It’s not quite that though. It’s a muscle that I don’t work on, it’s atrophied, and does every time I try. Laziness? Maybe. Fear of failure? That’s my whole life, so absolutely. What exactly I’m afraid of failing, not entirely sure as I’ve never intended to write for attention or anything of the sort. As far as the why I’m writing, maybe that’s what I need to figure out to actually buckle down and stay regular with it.
In keeping with the theme I’d been writing about. My transition is now nearly 8 years social at least, about 4 years on Testosterone, and it’s been 2 years and some change since top surgery. I’m married now, working from home for Apple, and actually regularly attending therapy for once. I can’t tell you the joy of finding a therapist that actually understands and is exactly what you want from a mental health expert.
Whether I’ll revive this blog or not is still up in the air. I think that I really want to, but sometimes I wonder if I should distance myself from my desire because my expectations of my own results often scare me away from even trying.